If You Only Knew Me
by Pixielullaby
Summary: Jade just can't keep lying to herself. She runs to the only person that really knows her.. Oneshot


_Here's another Jori story! This one is older than dirt but I still love how much raw passion in it so.. Here it is! Yay! _

_Disclaimer: __**Nope sorry folks! Now if Dan Schneider would kindly hand me the rights to this show we could be getting somewhere..**_

You're sitting on his bed and he's pressed against you, trailing kisses, and licks, and bites, down your neck, but you don't want him to..

You realize that makes him sound like a bad guy and that's not what you mean..

You _do _want this.. this touching, this kissing, and feeling.. You just don't want him anymore.  
You love him, you _really _do, and you want to be able to say you love him more than anything else but you can't..

Because, you remember that there are so many other things you love..  
Like, your mom, and your sisters, and Mason.. And that dog you got when you were six, before the divorce.. And before Kate..

But above all you remember her..

You remember the way she looks, and the way she walks, and the way she laughs. You remember the way her hair looks perfect even at 3 am when you call her crying, for no reason at all.. You just felt like crying.  
But most of all you remember the look on her face when she thought you were singing to Beck..

It was all you could do not to start crying, because she just looked so shattered for that split second before she flashed you a fake smile. You _hated_ that smile.

You wanted to tell her that the song was for her, every word was for her, because she knows you better than anyone else ever has..

Because the things it took years for Beck to figure out about you, just came falling off your lips for her willing ears to hear..  
Because when you tell Beck things he tells your mom, or your sisters..  
She can keep quiet and act like nothing even happened until it's just the two of you at her house..  
Because she makes you feel safe, and she wants to be there for you even if you aren't there for her..

Because you want _her_ and not Beck.

You don't want the man who literally let you walk straight out of his life and then realized that he missed you..  
You want the girl who held you afterwards telling you that he'd just made the worst mistake of his entire life because you're beautiful, and sweet, and perfect, and.. And you can't do this..

"Beck.." Your voice cracks and you hate it, because the way he looks at you shows that he cares and you hate that you're about to break his heart the same way that he broke yours..

"That song.. It- It wasn't for you.. It- I.. I just.. I didn't.. I wrote it-" You couldn't even tell him because of those big brown puppy dog eyes and you can't take it really.. You want to just give up..

"You wrote it for Tori.." He whispers it..

Not as if he's sad or disappointed, but as if he were there, helping you with lines for a play..  
As if it were supposed to just be that way..  
Like it were written in the script that you were meant to be with her..

You nod, because you honestly just can't speak..

You're crying and you know he'd be crying too, if he ever cried..  
Beck is stronger than that..  
You just aren't..

"Tell her that.." He nodded toward the door.

"Go find her, Jade.. When you do, don't ever let her go, because I promise you'll regret it.." He kisses you on the corner of the mouth and smiles, then he's gone, because you're already out the door..

You're running because she only lives a few blocks away and you'll get there faster without traffic..  
You're just rounding her block when it starts pouring rain and you're already soaked but you've come this far..

Your hand is _almost_ to the door when it opens and there she is in that stupid purple hoodie that you _hate_, only because it's so like her..

It's all her and that's the same reason you love it..  
Because it's _her_..  
It's all Tori..

Before she can even say anything you see the hurt look in her eyes, because you're _here_, and you're soaking wet, and you're crying, and it hurts her to see you like this.  
You just throw your arms over her shoulders and kiss her anyways..

You wait about two seconds before she's kissing you back and pushing you up against the door.  
Your legs wrap around her body and she's so much _stronger_ than you thought she'd be, but this is what you wanted..

You wanted her to be pressed against you, holding you tight, as if she'd let you go and you'd just disappear and be gone forever..

She starts kissing down your neck and she slides the straps of your tank top down your shoulders so she can have more skin to kiss and bite at, but you stop her..

You pull her face to yours and she looks so broken and determined at the same time..  
Because she can see that you need this..  
You need _her_..  
Right now..

It kills her that this could be a one night stand and it really honestly hurts you that you've been so evil to her, to the point where she could think that..

"I _love_ you, Tori.. _So, so, so _much.." You whimper..

You've never done that before, but the look on her face seriously makes your chest burn _so_ badly you want to puke.

Her face lightens and the hurt goes away, but the determination is still there, and you just realized how tired she looks because it's probably close to 3 am on a Saturday morning and she hasn't gone to bed yet, because she loves the dark..  
You know for a fact that you're the only person she's ever told that too.

She kisses you hard again but this time its also sweet, and passionate, and slightly desperate, because this isn't _just_ sex anymore..

"Jade, I love you too.. More than anything else" Her voice cracks too and now you're both crying, and kissing, and she's carrying you upstairs, because this is what you want, and you need this..

But you can't help but think about how long it took Beck to learn where to kiss, how to touch, and what to do when it came to you, and it was taking Tori seconds..  
It was like she already knew what took Beck years to master, and she was better at it than he was..

You let out a series of gasps and moans and then you hear it..  
Her name, fall from your lips..

It sounds so strange..  
So different because you'd never really been with anyone other than Beck and it almost sounded like a foreign language, but it felt good to say..

"I love you.." It tasted like fucking magic rolling off your tongue.  
"I love you Tori.."

"I love you too.." She kisses your jaw, and your chin, and your lips..  
"So much.."

She kisses your forehead and for the first time ever, you fall asleep next to someone who isn't Beck.  
You honestly don't know what will happen next..  
But with her by your side, you can't wait to find out.


End file.
